11th November 1997 - Suicide....

Jesus! oh shit! How is this supposed to make me a better person??? I'm 17 years old!! How long is this going to go on???? I'm not imagining this.. they can say exactly what they want but i know what i am going through is real. it's as real as any pain anyone has ever felt. i didn't deserve what i got. she always does this. shit!

Will i ever learn?

oh i hurt them well but then why do i sit and cry? my friends love me for who i am.. that's a laugh who am i?

I'm alright now. I am a survivor. i will survive...i wish i had the b**** to end it but i don't... i never have.

i have had worse stuff than this happen so why am i so torn up about this? shit!

I'm OK now.. calm ..composed...kind of...

is it worth it?

i have always glorified this by saying...' you may have won the battle but i will win the war'. i have lost so many battles, i think the war is over and i just wasn't looking. I've lost. i don't really really believe it but i have lost. a war doesn't last for more than 10 years at a stretch continuously does it?
ammunition runs out or spirit dies...

i have lost my spirit but i am sure it will come back to haunt me.

the never ending story - the soap opera - tears, bitterness, rage and love.
i have it all. i feel it all.

I've let myself down. I'm ashamed of myself. I've stooped lower than i ever thought possible. i could say i was driven but i 'm a better person than them.
i deserve better than them,
they deserve better than me.

fate, destiny,cruel but true, some things can't be changed.

grudges set if not washed away soon.
grudges weigh you down. I'm weighed down.
my spirit was my light in this dark tunnel
my light went out
there is no way out.
i will make one.
I'm a rock
a rock feels no pain
and an island never cries...

BOGUS BULLSHIT!!!!