My life with seizures

I haven’t written complete sentences in a while. Yet I feel the need to. The weeks I’ve had or the day I have had.. I’m not sure. Kismat and Karma are both very dear to me. Possibly in retrospect the dogs I love the most. Is it because I am responsible for them? Or is it because I am guilty because I was against them being adopted in the first place? Or more likely, they are the last living beings who I live with and are continuation from a safer and more secure time.

Karma

I remember vividly that first time when Karma had a seizure, I was woken from sleep, with a high pitched panicked voice saying “Jaldi Aoa, Karma mar gayi hai” (Karma is dead). I rushed out to the garden, sleep daze escaping so quickly, to find this dog, still as ever. This was a few years ago. Mum was slower on her feet. I went through a gamut of emotions of not again. Not another dog I need to bury before there time.. Panic… clear thinking….. of I need to check her… fear.. Call the doctor.. And then she got up… like a drunken toddler and wandered a bit disoriented. Kismat the ever concerned brother.. Karma going for him.. I did the one thing I was taught to do when dogs are having a fight or about to have a fight… throw water on them. Makes them snap out of it. It was the worst thing I could have done. For she was having a seizure. I learnt my first lesson in dog seizures then.

Karma was put onto homeopathic. I’ve seen her have one other seizure in life. But the homeopathic controls it. Hers, was out in the garden. Mild. Besides, it wasn’t my responsibility. Mum wanted the dogs. Her job to keep them well. We had a pact. Don’t involve me. I’ve done enough vets and doggie funerals. I don’t want to be a part of it. She agreed.

Life was smooth for a few years. I got to just play with the dogs. A few times I had to take them to the vet and after the rollicking fights before and after even that stopped. I only trained Kismat to give me kisses. Kismat is the most loyal man in my life. Men come and men go but he will not rest till I rest. He annoys me shitless by keeping me up all night but will feel each and every mood and not sleep till I sleep.

Karma’s seizures were controlled with the medication. All was ok. I lived my life.

Mum died.

Kismat

Kismat started getting seizures a few months ago. Worse than Karma’s. I was more prepared. Mommy always said he was the more sensitive one.  But if any of you have seen a child or adult or animal convulse, it would have broken your heart. You’re helpless. You just have to wait it out. Talking to them in a soothing voice and calmly sometimes helps it pass quicker. Else you just need to wait.

Kismat had the worst seizure I have seen thus far. This morning was the longest too. I calmed him down. Slept another hour. And left for work. Life goes on. Instruction was given to not bother him. Let him be. No screaming just quiet around him. But I had work. I had to go and earn my living.

I love Karma but it got me thinking. What would I do if something happened to him? How do I fix this? Why aren’t the meds working? And then I realized why it means so much. Mommy always said, dogs are like babies. They can’t talk and tell you what’s wrong. These are her children whom she left in my care. To love and nurture and give them the best life I could.  They are my responsibility. And thus I feel guilty. But more than that, they are all I have left to teach me and support me like my mother did, they are who I come home to, they are my companions, friends and family at any given time. 

If anything were to happen to Kismat it would due to the sheer example of what he stands for…be the worst moment in my life... no that’s a lie… the love.. Unconditional I have got from him is only comparable to one… my mother… anyhow he is snoring and stretching out…digging into my side.. And here comes Karma to claim her warm spot under the rasai!