11th November 1997 - Suicide....

Jesus! oh shit! How is this supposed to make me a better person??? I'm 17 years old!! How long is this going to go on???? I'm not imagining this.. they can say exactly what they want but i know what i am going through is real. it's as real as any pain anyone has ever felt. i didn't deserve what i got. she always does this. shit!

Will i ever learn?

oh i hurt them well but then why do i sit and cry? my friends love me for who i am.. that's a laugh who am i?

I'm alright now. I am a survivor. i will survive...i wish i had the b**** to end it but i don't... i never have.

i have had worse stuff than this happen so why am i so torn up about this? shit!

I'm OK now.. calm ..composed...kind of...

is it worth it?

i have always glorified this by saying...' you may have won the battle but i will win the war'. i have lost so many battles, i think the war is over and i just wasn't looking. I've lost. i don't really really believe it but i have lost. a war doesn't last for more than 10 years at a stretch continuously does it?
ammunition runs out or spirit dies...

i have lost my spirit but i am sure it will come back to haunt me.

the never ending story - the soap opera - tears, bitterness, rage and love.
i have it all. i feel it all.

I've let myself down. I'm ashamed of myself. I've stooped lower than i ever thought possible. i could say i was driven but i 'm a better person than them.
i deserve better than them,
they deserve better than me.

fate, destiny,cruel but true, some things can't be changed.

grudges set if not washed away soon.
grudges weigh you down. I'm weighed down.
my spirit was my light in this dark tunnel
my light went out
there is no way out.
i will make one.
I'm a rock
a rock feels no pain
and an island never cries...

BOGUS BULLSHIT!!!!

The Woman

I wrote this ten years ago for a fashion show V.O. yet this is still how I see ….


Some say it’s a man’s world, I say women make the world go round and round!

I present to you the shades of a woman- firy hot and icy cold!

A woman is sacred.
She will provide you warmth when your cold,
a haven when your lost,
honesty when you lie,
profoundest advice when your immature.

But never awaken the lady’s wrath, for she will protect her loved ones in a blind frenzy!
She can terrorize you with her rage
erupt like a volcano,
sting like a wasp
She can also thrill you with her spirit and sensuality. She is passionate and vivacious, thrilling and romantic
She is fire!

Women are hot but also cold,
Icy like sleet on your face
Bitter, biting, hostile
She can be conceited
She can be frozen

Refreshing like the first summer rain,
managing to brighten one’s dullest days with the song of her laughter
and the smile on her face!

There is nothing softer than a young girl’s heart
It melts away the stern looks and harsh thoughts
She relaxes us with her sensibility and wisdom
She is water

Today girls are moving on,

They know how to be the earners of the house.
They can walk the walk and talk the talk!
She is conscious of her surroundings and is in harmony with nature.


She is sensitive
She is sporty
She is ready for anything or anyone
She is ready to take on the world
And fight for what she deserves
She is capable of taming wild animals of any sort

She is dynamite!